No Self Control...lol

I learned again today that I have no self control lol. I was looking on amazing for something....oh yeah um a cup female chastity belt because it was in a story I had read. I am incredibly extremely horny Sir!!! And I really really want to play but even more than that I want You and sex!!!!!!! And cuddles!!! Then all of a sudden before I almost realized what I was doing I was looking up....pussy pumps and it was super cheap and It was free 2 day shipping....and yeah. It will be here Friday. Lol I just really want sex Sir!!!!!!!! Please!!!!

I am updating my blog JeKa....are you happy now???

I don't really know what to write about although I know I have a lot of things on my mind that are just completely random.

Starting episode 16 of Caprica!!! 4 left....it's really sad! Not how I thought this series would go at all. I like it though!

Oh yeah. I have the house to myself this weekend. I really want You to come over and then we can cuddle and have sex forever and ever!!! :) pleaseeeeeee!!!!!! :)

Pretty much all I can think of right now is sex. And how badly I want it and how much I am craving You rubbing Your fingers over my clit. Sooo horny omg it's ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love You Sir!!

Trust...

Okay. So yeah. Trust. I'd like to think I trust You. And I think I do, just not in all the ways I obviously should. Although as I'm writing this I'm wondering if I get the meanings of trust and believe mixed up. I guess....I don't really know how to explain it. The biggest example going through my head right now is like when You tell me I'm beautiful. I know You wouldn't lie to me so when You tell me I trust that You are telling the truth, although sometimes I have a really hard time beleiving it. This is probably a bad example and in no way shape or form fishing for compliments. Just being honest.

Here is my attempt to vocalize what I was thinking earlier.

So in school....in everywhere I've always been one of the "bigger" girls. In school when we practiced trust falls I never was the one to fall. Ever. I was always the one catching. I know You are strong and could beat the living shit out of anyone You wanted to. I trust that You can do that and I know I'm safe with You. However when it came to the lean back/lean forward thing it scared me. A lot. I think I got a bit of an adrenaline rush from it because halfway home I started crying and shaking. Which is in no way shape or form Your fault, I was just letting You know. And I now realize I have more to work on.

I know that if You had been doing that with ANY other girl on the planet (or person...hell...even Harvey) I would have completely trusted You to not drop them and probably would have even said or at least thought "why are they freaking out. It's You...of course You won't let them fall". But it wasn't them. It was me and it scared me. Now, thinking about it after the fact I know You wouldn't drop me because that isn't You. I trust You not to seriously hurt me, and  I really didn't think You would have let go of me intentionally but I know I'm not the smallest female in the world or even close to it. It just was something I've never really experienced before.

Sir, I am really sorry I didn't trust You, and I am sorry I couldn't put all my thoughts into words at that moment. Please forgive me. And I will work on this.

 I love You Sir!

Rest Day!!

Oh thank god today is rest day. It hurts to move and I haven't even moved very much today. Also. I need to get back to being able to sleep past 10 AM.

Um there's a slight problem. I dreamed about game last night. And Your character was tied down and then I went all bad ass and saved You and then Your character and Big Steve's character were fighting over who could fuck me. Needless to say...I was slightly confused when I woke up. Lol

Sir,
Thank You for being patient with me.
Thank You for doings what's best although it may not be what I want.
Even when I just want to cuddle forever amd ever thank You for sending me home when it is late and I am tired.
Thank You for sitting with me and helping me fix my character last night. And making her all bad ass!
Thank You for not getting mad when I don't get the movie references, You just fix it and put the movie on. :)
Thank You for loving me even when I'm a dork, and tired, and call hoods helmets :)

I love You Sir! :)

Day Fucking 3

Day 3 of squats and holy hell. Can I just lay in bed and not move for the next month? Oh wait...I get to see You in 30 minutes so that makes everything all better :)

I am beginning to realize I can't be and probably will never be perfect. There is no way I can look cute all the time, spend an hour a day in the sun (btw I think from my little sun adventure yesterday I burned my back...opps), and get everything I want to get done in a day done. There is no fucking way. That doesn't mean I can't try and that I won't get pissed at myself when I fail. But still. I want to be the one who has everything together. The one Who has a clean house, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect life all the time. It won't ever work. I wish it would though. Which reminds me I have yet to do things for 20 and 5 minutes yet today, butnI plan on it when I get home.

I really just want to curl up in Your arms and cuddle and be held tight and tickled and kissed Sir!!! :) like last night but more!!! :) lol yes. I fully admit to being Your cuddle slut. :)

Thighs. Are. Killing. Me.

Day 2 of 30 day squat challenge and my thighs are killing me. Oh good god. I don't see how I will make it through the next 28 days. I also laid outside topless for an hour. It was heavenly. I better get tan is all I have to say about that. Also I lost 4lbs in a week and IDK how on earth that happened. It kinda makes me scared to eat now because I don't want to gain it all back lol 

Psych is amazing but I am craving watching NCIS. It has almost been a month since I have seen it. I miss it more than my reality shows. Speaking of reality tv doesn't wrestling count as reality??? The only time I watch it is with You and You obviously know what I am watching when I'm with You but still. I hope that doesn't count against the whole two months without reality television! 

I'm horny. Definitely horny. I want to get my sleeping schedule back to normal soon so I can see You soon. :D i really want cuddles and cock Sir!!!!

:)

Pull my hair please Sir!!!!

There are moments after I send certain text messages that makes me want to throw my phone across the room and hide so maybe I won't see Your reply if I am scared as to what Your reply might be. However, then I get curious and and go grab my phone and keep it next to me. For like the first I dint know how many months, but not so much recently....pretty much not since March I was always terrified (especially at first...and then gradually less) that I would say something, anything in a text and it would piss You off so bad You would call our relationship off then and there. So yeah. That's pretty much where I'm at at the moment. It's always when I think it's a risky msg and then 99% of the time You reply normally which makes me relieved and then annoyed at myself that I freaked out so much.

Also, my perfectionist-ness needs to go away. It's been fucking with my brain wayyyyyy too much lately.

Day 1 of 30 day squat challenge = complete! Also weighed myself tonight and a full pound lighter than I was last week when I checked in the morning. Which means!!!!! I have 9lbs to go before I order stuff off my amazon wish list!!!!! Yayyyy!!!! Super psyched!

P.S. I really want to be fucked right now and get my hair pulled. Idk why but tonight I have just really been wanting my hair pulled. Also, I don't think I have ever felt so sexy as tonight. The corset I'm wearing is pretty much magic. Although, I feel like it would be really easy to turn on bitch-mode while wearing it (not towards You, never towards You, just at random people...like Mel).

7th Day in a Row!!! :)

Okay just gotta vent/write about random shot for a minute before I get all my homework done. 

I usually don't pay attention in church. I usually do the kids activity sheet, then reread my favorite random Old Testament stories. Like the one about mauling people with bears. (Side note: can that be my superhero quality for game???? Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) however there were a few things I noticed that made me want to quite literally maul people with bears. 

1) During the sermon the preacher was talking about the bible and how he didn't need science to prove religion and evolution was completely false and there was no evidence. I wanted to start laughing and I really wished a friend (aka Firemoth) was there to see her reaction lol it was ridiculous 

2) every freaking song had some form of the word come, either in the song or hidden in a larger word.  

3) People who fall asleep in church. Annoying. If you want to be there fine, but do t fake that your so excited and glad to be at church and then freakin fall asleep every Sunday. Oh my god. 

4) i had a butt plug in my purse during church. That in itself was making me laugh

5) the word "intense" was said a lot today and all I could think about was to reply "like camping" which was making me laugh. 

Random thoughts:

1) does anyone else ever eat food and question if it will gag them? I may have just tried this out on curly fries...

2) I have had a song stuck in my head for the past 3ish days. Oh my lanta. You should go and listen 

to it. Here's the link: 

http://youtu.be/xxAzE_m3SxA

Now off to get a couple assignments done so I can go hangout with You! (7 days in a row...say what!! :) I'm really liking this!!!) :)