Feeling Ignored.

Hey there. 

I just wanted to take a moment and say that I am feeling ignored. I mentioned a couple entries ago that I have a Dom, and its true. He means a lot to me. Today has just been tough. I hate to be the obsessive one, and keep trying to contact Him, and I know he has a life outside of me but still. Usually we talk all the freakin' time, but today we haven't talked in hours. I know there are other people and situations going on in his life. But still. I know it's stupid if me to feel like this, I just need to vent. Ugh. 

Thank you for reading! 

Goodbyes...

I have come to the conclusion recently that I suck at goodbyes. It doesn't matter who it is. I currently live with my parents and a couple months ago my dad left to go visit his parents. I usually don't see my dad all that often even though we live in the same house, our schedules just don't mesh. But when he left I was definitely affected. It sucked. I knew he was coming back, but it was still hard. One of my best friends died about 3 years ago. Somedays I still miss her like it was yesterday. I still have impulses to call her and catch up on life. It sucks that shes gone. I love you Kelly! 

Goodbyes suck!!!!!!!! 

Falling apart.

Lately....well....within the past couple of days I have been thinking about suicide. I know it isn't the answer...blah blah blah. But I don't see the point of living anymore. I have an amazing man in my life, my Dom, and I know that He says I am beautiful and that He loves me and I know He wouldn't lie to me but honestly I don't know if I believe Him. I'm falling apart and no one seems to notice. And I don't know how to fix it.

*sigh*

There are so many thoughts running through my head. I'm stressed over finals that I have in a week. I'm pissed off at myself for some stupid shit I did and hurt the one person that means the most to me. I hate that I did what I did, and I don't know how to fix it. All I want to do is fix it. If You're reading this, I truly am sorry. I'm stressed out over the future. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and do, but it seemed so daunting. I want a family, kids, and although I love where I am at in life right now I don't know if reality is going to mesh with my dreams. I need to figure out if I'm okay with that. I think I am, but I just want everything to work out how it does in my dreams. I'm scared over random shit which will probably never happen.