Identity...

Identity. What do or how do you identify yourself? Before sometime last year I indentified as Christian. Other than that I don't really like I have ever identified with a group or felt strong connections to a group of people. I've always known the groups that I don't fit in, like those from other counties or ethnicities, the jocks or the popular kids. I was always just me. This Caucasian girl who grew up with a mom and a dad, in a conservative home. Since last year and in thinking about religion and things I used to believe I have decided I am agnostic. I do think that there is some "higher power" but I have no clue who or what.

 I'm taking a Multicultural class this term and this class gives me headaches! We have to think so much it's almost frikkin ridiculous! Our professor started out the class today talking about class rules and "safe words" to use if the conversation got too intense. When she mentioned safe words I slightly freaked out. In fact I emailed a friend who is into BDSM and also in college asking her what I should say if BDSM was brought up in the conversation. There was no way in hell I would ever bring it up myself up but I also didn't want to hear wrong information going around about a lifestyle that I am part of. 

Another thing I was curious about is when our professor wants us to identify our sexual orientation. I'm pretty sure I am bi, I mean I have been with 3 other women, although they were mostly doing stuff to me and touching me rather than me touching them back (I would have reciprocated...these situations were rather unique and different though.). Two of these women were (or are) my Doms other former sub and a current sub. I have also made out with my best friend from age 4 twice and experimented with her. I still definitely like cock, but being with another woman doesn't freak me out. So how then it leaves me wondering who to identify with? And since I thought I was straight till last Novemeber I have never had to think about "coming out" to anyone. Why does it even matter? Will my classmates look at me different? My school is in a really open-minded community but still. I think thoughts and going through these different thought processes are good and it will help me be understanding in my future career. But, still. 

To not identify with groups I have identified with all my life is weird. It's a cool feeling though. Like I can shape who I am and who I want to be. 


 I've always just been me.